Too Much Information

Day 28 reading assignment:
Exodus 5:22-7:25
Matt 18:21- 19:12
Psalm 23:1-6
Proverbs 5:22-23

It's really cold in our house.  I'm shivering because it's very early and I don't want to make noise opening drawers or closet doors to find something warm to put on.  It's very hard to take that initial step and click on the furnace for the very first time of the year, especially when we are told that the temperatures will be back into the eighties in a few days.

Yesterday afternoon I felt the same way but I wasn't cold.  I wanted to remember every detail of the drive to the doctor's office.  My hands were very white and I didn't feel like I could get a good grip on the steering wheel.  My heart felt racie like it does now, a bad combination of coolness and too much caffeine on an empty stomach.  When I pulled in to my sister-in-laws driveway, one look told me she had a restless night's sleep.  Our conversation stalled on the weather.  As I pulled the car into the parking space I wanted to just stay in the safe warm car.  Right here and now, without information, this woman sitting in the seat next to me, whose friendship I have taken for granted most of my life, did not have cancer.  But the moment we walked into the oppressive looking building she would.  When we returned to this car to leave, we would be different than we were just thirty-five minutes earlier.  And all that would have happened was the communication of information from someone who had the correct information to someone who didn't.

 Waiting in the small exam room for the doctor, I started to feel the anxiety seeping in.  In my panic I blurted out my confession;  "I am here to be your rock but right now I feel like I'm going to cry."  Like a force of nature,  in a tone that was scary even though she is eighty years old and I out weigh her by a good fifty pounds, she replied, "I am NOT going to cry, and if you cry I will hit you!"  She got my attention and with a little self-talk I convinced myself once again that this wasn't even a little bit about me and I would not cry...at this time.  She and I have been excellent examples of praying without ceasing and still the doctor stepped into the room and before ever saying an audible word, his look said 'I am so sorry.'  And sure enough when he opened his mouth he said, "I'm afraid I have some bad news for you, it looks like you have cancer and I want you to see a surgeon as soon as possible."  It seems like a cliche to say "it all seemed so surreal."  But it all seemed sooo surreal.  What about my recent obedience, my praying, my daily reading of the bible?  When does my insurance policy kick in that protects us from this madness?

 Since I started this blog it seems like our family and extended family just shifts from one drama to another.  From medical issues to a pending divorce, struggling businesses to financial crisis', relationships wounded that break family ties and now this.  This morning a small, dim, low wattage bulb clicked on somewhere in the far recesses of my very feeble mind.  The application to Exodus 6:9-12 said: 'Focus on God who must be obeyed instead of the results to be achieved- we must see beyond temporary set backs and reversals. I do tend to fixate on the results I want. I do understand how that mind-set removes my focus from God.  All in all yesterday ended up being the best of the worst news.  The doctor said my sister-in-law was in excellent health and that they caught this early and he felt confident that the outcome would be good.  She is a very young eighty year old after-all.  Any information that includes the word cancer is too much information, but as I take one page at a time in the bible I find myself needing much more of the information that is meant to guide us through times just like these.