Girl Interrupted

Days 90 and 91 reading assignment:
Deuteronomy 16:1-20:20
Luke 9:7-50
Psalm 72:1-73:28
Proverbs 12:8-10

I think one of the reasons it is getting harder to blog about this reading experience is the recurring sense of myself, of my pride.  Being a person of fairly low self esteem I have never (until I started reading the Bible) seen pride or self-centeredness as one of my many issues.  In her book, Praying God's Word, Beth Moore says:  In some ways, Christians have to be more alert to pride than anyone.  If we don't have an issue that is actively humbling us, we veer with disturbing velocity toward arrogance and self-righteousness.  We are wise to remember that Christ never resisted the repentant sinner.  He resisted the proud and Pharisaic. Pride is not the opposite of low self-esteem.  Pride is the opposite of humility.  We can have a serious pride problem that masquerades as low self-esteem.  Pride is self-absorption whether we're absorbed with how miserable we are or how wonderful we are.  We are wise to be on the constant lookout for pride in our lives.  If we aren't taking deliberate measures to combat pride, it's probably doing something to combat humility.  Now all this said I need to clarify that it isn't that I'm too proud to admit that I have a pride issue.  It is, however, the redundancy of it all.  I should go back and count how many times since I started this blog that I have written about how the Bible reading has exposed this very thing in my life.  I am realizing that I can't skip blogging because the content may be 'same story different day.'  I am learning that this repetition is the whole point.  This is how God communicates...with me anyway.

Even before our current circumstances our house was a three-ring circus.  People drop by a lot.  Usually my consistent reaction to hearing a car in the driveway is to rant like a lunatic, resentful at being interrupted;  "Who is here NOW?"   When the phone rings and I don't feel like being interrupted, I don't answer it.  Yet in my daily prayers I pray (with the same ranting mouth) Lord use me for the Glory of your kingdom.  Yes I do recognize that this is where I am veering with disturbing velocity toward arrogance and self-centeredness thank you very much.

On December 1st, the reading assignment took in Luke 9:10,11.  It was talking about how Jesus tried to slip quietly away from the crowds, but they found out where He was going and followed Him.  Instead of showing impatience at this interruption, the appliction says, Jesus welcomed the people and ministered to their needs.  It goes on to ask: How do you see people who interrupt your schedule-- as nuisances or as the reason for your life and ministry?  I think I had it all in my mind so differently.  First of all, when I pray for God to use me, I assumed I would begin to resemble Mother Teresa and I would be whisked off to some third world country complete with a little blue and white dish towel on my head.  What was I smoking?  And secondly, who do I think I am?  The mission is here and now.  In the everydayness with our everyday people.  THIS is my mission.  Just to love the people He gives me whenever, wherever.  I keep getting the same message from different Bible readings because I keep praying, "show me what to do."  He keeps telling me to die to myself and He will continue to tell me until I do it.  Just as I had a concept of God, I have also had a concept of what my service for God would look like.  And, disturbingly, that reveals my concept of me.  The me I think I should be to the people in my life.  Now I see Him interrupting me deliberately,  double-dog daring me to resent it as He changes me into His concept of me. 


-The miracle is not that we do this work, but that we are happy to do it-
                                                                                         Mother Teresa