Invisible Love

YIKES!! Days 64-73 reading assignment
Numbers 4:1-22:20
Mark12:48-16:20
Luke 1:1-1:56
Psalm 48:1-57:11
Proverbs 10:26-11:11


Wow, it's been too many days again.  I have been traveling and sooner or later I will break down and buy a laptop.  This blog has become ingrained into my life and skipping so many writing days makes me feel all bogged down.  This time my travels have taken me yet again to places intoxicating and full of mystery...Porterville, California.  Aaaah the exotic life of the wife of a tanker pilot.  This life-style has taken me on many a romantic journey from the plains of Battle Mountain, Nevada to the smog filled skies of San Bernardino, California and many unknown stops in between.  If it doesn't have a Starbucks, I have probably been there.  Once on a fire bust in Battle Mountain, the ground fire fighters got to the one grocery store in town before me and wiped out all the chocolate inventory.  That's right, no chocolate in the whole town and no deliveries for a week.  Heaven forbid I could have lost a pound.

I went to Porterville this week to catch up with my hunka hunka burnin' love to celebrate our twenty sixth wedding anniversary.  We joke that in all the time we spend apart, we have technically only been married thirteen years.  It is an odd life-style and certainly not for everyone which is evident in the high divorce rate within this industry.  We have spent more anniversaries apart than together, so if Brent is twelve hours or less away, I try very hard to track him down.  It is our time apart that makes the majority of our time together quite precious and where we spend it is not a factor.  Spending it together is.  It's like an invisible love sometimes.  Unseen but very much our reality.  Being apart requires trust and faith in one another.  We are required to lead separate lives so much of the time and then magically transition back into a togetherness.  I am putting it mildly when I say it has been "tricky" at times.

Seventy-three days into this spiritual quest I have more questions than answers thank you very much NUMBERS chapters 1-10.  Is it disrespectful to say how painful I found those chapters?  Yet I am always anxious to get back to it.  Back to the daily-ness of reading this Bible.  The unfaithfulness and chronic complaining that annoyed me so in the beginning of Israel's journey, now I find almost comforting.  How warped is that?  Actually the Israelites are still completely annoying, but I see myself in them on so many levels now that I am relieved that God, tempted as He was, didn't just wipe them out and start over.  My humanness along with a shameful attitude of entitlement (deny as I might-I've got it) requires answers from God.  Why won't he heal my unbelief, my wavering faith.  Why won't He wave that magic wand and instill trust in Him to me?  I carry with me a bottle of mustard seed just for a daily reminder that it's all about FAITH.

In Holman's Bible Dictionary there is a page and a half of definition on faith.  It reads: faith is tied to hope in Hebrews 11:1; Faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen.  It refers to faith as the central concept of Christianity.  It goes on to say that faith is the beginning of a relation to God and not an end.  It is especially in Paul's letters, the inauguration of incorporation "in Christ," in which one continues to grow and develop.  But here is my own conclusion....God does not owe me an explanation.  I said it before: God is God whether I believe or not, whether I understand much or little.  When I relate it to my marriage, I get it...sort of.  The wonder of invisible love.  And when I allow those tiny seeds of doubt to seep in  I am sure the enemy loves the distractions my lack of understanding offers.  The more I search for explanations the less time I am spending in quality time with Him or in prayer for others.

Brent's fire contract is up in eleven days.  For a few months we will live a daily married life.  It is the dailyness no matter how mundane and ordinary that we need.  It is the dailyness in my spiritual walk that is important as well.  The seemingly painfully boring first ten chapters of Numbers is significant information... whether I like it or not.  Who am I to critique God's own bestseller after-all?  So on with the quest.  Hit me with your best shot day 74.  For two hundred and ninety-one more days I will show up to the daily page.  Maybe even without complaining just to have a glimpse of that invisible love.

-If my eyes could see you I'd have no faith to prove-
lyrics to Invisible Love by JJ Heller

Born to Serve

Days 56 and 57 reading assignment:
Leviticus 16:29-20:21
Mark 7:24-8:38
Psalm 41:1- 42:11
Proverbs 10:15-17

Besides preferring my funny side, my husband Brent likes it best when these posts are about him.  He constantly reminds me that it is, indeed, all about him.  After twenty-six years I fully understand the real truth in his remarks, no matter how hard he tries to pretend to only be teasing.

I take full responsibility for this monster I have created.  As the youngest of six siblings my servant internship started very early.  "Cindy change the channel."  "Cindy get the ice cream."  "Oh don't get up, Cindy can get it."  Yes I was born to serve, be it involuntary submission or sheer ignorance, I was born to serve.
My friend Jane said I reminded her of the All in the Family character, Edith Bunker, who was always hurrying to the needs of her Archie.  Archie was always perched comfortably in his favorite chair and waiting impatiently for Edith to place the can of beer in his hand at the end of his hard day.  My Brent also likes to be all comfy and cozy on the couch.  When he hears me in the kitchen he is so sure that I am procuring a snack for him, that when I attempt to surprise him, there he sits with his back to me, right arm outstretched, palm up, to alert me to just leave the dish in his hand...quietly, so as not to disturb his movie.  Does it cross my mind to invert the dish on his head?  Almost always but that would mean a mess for me to clean up as well.  All of this said, I ultimately know who Brent is and how he misbehaves is the direct result of choices I made long ago.  A choice to love and because of that love, to serve as well, even in the midst of obnoxious behavior. :o)

The Bible is chocked full of verses on serving.  These words of wisdom refer to serving the poor and serving the unlovable and ultimately serving without getting anything in return.  It is easy to serve my comedienne husband, and my family.  From them I get so much in return.  I think God gives us our loves to practice on.  But then he expects us to take it on out there and use it, expecting nothing in return.  We are called to serve the people He puts in our lives.  Beating our egos into submission, He expects us to be the foot washers rather than the feet being washed.  It is important to put the dish in that demanding outstretched hand even if we believe the dish belongs inverted on the head.  Why?  Because God is the creator of love.  He is love and ultimately because He loves us.....even in the midst of our own obnoxious behavior.